Be mothers and fathers

Parents who are envious of their children, is it normal?


'At your age, my parents didn't give me money like we give you'; 'My parents didn't give me permission to go out, like we do with you'; 'I only had a couple of sweaters and you don't stop buying clothes'; 'You're on the street all day, I used to help my parents at your age' ... Do any of these expressions sound familiar? And it is that, all the frustration, discomfort and even bitterness that may be in those expressions, I anticipate that they may be the cause of parents are envious of their son or daughter.

I know, it sounds very strong ... Can a father be envious of his children? Maybe we could soften the word, or put some more texture to the words, or put a little pink color to reality, but… it's called envy.

And it is that, sometimes as parents, we carry on our back the frustration of not having been able to do those things that we dreamed of when we were young, being forced to do things that we did not want to do and therefore, we resort to expressions such as those presented, to receive in this way the 'welcome to the world of envy'.

Envy: Sadness or regret for the good of others. Often, envy usually appears in the youth or adolescence of the children when really, the relationship is no longer so much one of father-son or mother-daughter, but of two adults.

But what are some of the main reasons that parents can become envious of their children?

1. Children have an easier life than we did
In general, it is normal that if you have been a father or mother that from a very early age, in youth, you had to contribute at home, help your parents or take care of the family, work at a young age, play a role as a father or mother of your brothers or other relatives, it is natural that you tend to feel some envy for the easy and light life that your children now lead.

There are also parents who feel that their children's professional lives are easy by not having to dedicate hours and hours, as they have suffered in their lifelong work.

2. We are no longer as young as we would like
Likewise, a mother can feel that envy towards her daughter, when observing how the passage of time deteriorates her body while that of her adolescent daughter is exposed to the freshness of her 20s. Or that mother who may be envious of her daughter who has just fallen in love while she leads a life of resentment, lack of affection and affection, or a life without illusion with her father.

3. We do not have the same leisure as our children
Or when parents see their children who go out to enjoy life, a weekend, with friends, various activities ... and they stay at home, bored.

4. Because the other has a more special relationship with a son
Or parents who have a relationship with their daughter as especially pretty, attentive and cared for, and the mother feels a constant envy towards her as if she were her rival and they were competing. Or vice versa.

5. Children have a great ability for something specific
Ending the examples, it is also a relationship of envy when the children have personality traits that the parents have not known how to develop such as: ability in sports or languages, making friends easily or being a confident and determined teenager while the father or mother is someone insecure or distrustful.

6. The relationship of the parents is not the same
Or when the mother dedicates time and love to her newborn baby and the father feels estranged from that relationship causing envy towards his son.

Although it seems incredible, in all these cases we speak of envy. And how do parents show that envy? As usual, criticizing them, unfairly disapproving of what provokes envy or even giving malicious advice.

Almost everything that you see in your child (or in another person) and that bothers you, criticizes or you would like to change him, is due to one of these three reasons:

  • The other has something that you have, that you dislike about yourself and that until now you have not been able to change. Say that you see your own flaws projected onto the other.
  • The other has something that you do not have, but that you would like to have, hence the possible envy.
  • The other activates programs in you past pending to heal. Children can connect us with situations from the past, not overcome and that generate conflicting emotions.

Finally, not everything is going to be envy and bad vibes, we also want to remind you that when you see valuable, beautiful and admiring things in a person, it is because you also contain those positive qualities within you, although you have not yet been able to become aware of them and believe them of yourself. Work on it.

As we always like to remember, the best tool to break that pattern related to envy is work on self love, in order to give the best of ourselves. And, of course, if necessary, assist a professional who helps heal the wounds of the past to live a happy and loving present.

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Video: Toxic, Narcissistic Parents: Enough Already! (October 2020).